The screams of the ravens slowly echo trough the empty church. I touch the gold altar and think of the bloodshed that swept over the land like a plague. "Tap", tap, tap My head turns to see a figure of a man holding a long sword his body covered in scars his clothing ripped and blood stained. "I heard there was someone out here, but to find out there is and they would come into my church and touch my altar." I feel my body loosening; the hairs on my arm standing up and taste blood in my mouth. "This is your altar?" I grab a chunk of the altar using black and green ruke. "well it looks like I tainted it" I look up to see Crows circling the top of the ceiling when suddenly they dive into the ground splashing around me into black puddles; from the black puddles spikes shoot out towards my head I duck avoiding them, then mixing black, blue, white and red ruke I force it into the goo from the altar slowly, while moving my hand as each section forms, I end up with a thin but strong object that resembles a sword. I slide out of the way of the second attack from the crows, cutting the middle of one of the spikes in mid slide, the spike falls apart as if the body of it was made of water and the head forged of steel. "So that's your trick" I turn around and cut the watery body of another spike the head falls the same as the first. From the side the demon slashes at me with his long sword, I put my hand out towards the sword and shoot a strong burst of black, blue, white and red ruke I turn the air into a solid the sword hits the air and the demon tries to push through. Black panel with blood splattered across it.
Hopefully this will be a teaser for green salamander please Critique it I was to lazy to do so myself.
I was able to understand what was happening in the teaser, and just based on this one paragraph, I grade your originality high. Though, I don't know the whole back story. The writing managed to keep my attention, was easy to understand and suspenseful in the end. For improvement, I would recommend avoiding run on sentences, and trying make sure that your descriptions have the right amount of detail. Not too much and not too little. This will keep the audience from becoming confused from reading your work. Other than that, excellent job on doing a teaser! Keep up the hard work and I'll look forward to your next piece!
The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.